Too Big , Too Small , Too Tall , Too Short......
Pramada Menon
Too big, too small, too tall, too short, too dark, too fair – maybe that does not happen. Maybe no one can be too fair! But what is this obsession with the body? No one is comfortable with what they have, they all want something that no one really has and in the end there is dire sorrow all around.
I am fat and it took me years to acknowledge that. I grew up in a home where there was no conversation around body size and I always knew I was beautiful. So when I did get out of the house and then had smart alecks on the street comment about my body or my weight, I was gob smacked! For heaven’s sake could they not see that lissome body trapped inside that outer shell and could they not see the intelligence flow out of me. How crass to expect more beauty?
Isn’t it strange how a set of rules set by a few impact many? Do we ever think about it? Do we ever wonder why there is this unholy obsession about the perfect body? I watch people today and am amazed at the self-control they seem to exhibit. All of them are clear that they do not want to become fat, they cite health reasons. No one ever seems to say that they are uncomfortable because peer pressure renders them unhappy, romance accords them the invisibility cloak and families strive to remind them everyday of their self indulgent self which has allowed them to become fat. So fat has now become the new mantra to stay away from.
What is it about our bodies that cause us so much angst? Is it because the set of rules that we have to abide by are set for us and we feel that we have to play along or else we lose out? Surely that cannot be the reason. There are so many ways in which we challenge many set ideologies because we do not ascribe to them and yet anything to do with the body causes us sleepless nights and we try to make some things more and other things less. Do we ever connect this with violence? Can we see the links between what we do to ourselves and our supposed aversion to violence? Why do we always assume that violence is done to us by someone else and not that we do it to ourselves quite easily and then have a million explanations to justify why we do not eat, why we use Fair and Lovely face cream, why we spend hours in the gym under duress, and why we focus incessantly on how much one has gained or lost in kilos and not in a metaphysical sense?
What is the point of saying my body is mine when actually we mean that my body is partially owned by me and the rest is a joint ownership between my parents; the gym; the people whom I desire and do not desire me; the media, society and the countless faceless people who feel that they can advise me and tell me what I should look like.
I look the same every day. Tall, big, dark woman. For others, what I am varies. Some days it’s a beautiful woman, at other times it is a fat woman. For some I am a man, for others my gender confuses them. Some people see me and think I am hot and others who feel that I should instantly go in for a 90 kg weight loss program.
I am all of this and I am not.
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Comments
Well written!! There is also a site called real beauty
http://realbeauty.yahoo.com/
you can find some nice blogs on the subject of beauty and what it really means.
thank you Pramada Menon
Maria Mustika please go ahead and translate, thank you
Maria Mustika please go ahead and translate, thank you
If I translate this beautiful writing and share to my colleague in Indonesia would that be okay for you? I want my friends to be inspire like I do
would you like to read Hindustan Times May 19, Page 15 Col. 1st on Beauty of Virtues. Thanks
its time people got real a guidance to a proper perspective......not a media packaged reality
wonderful... am sharing this pramada : )
great piece pramada. very thought provoking
Thanks for sharing this Pramada. By Naga standards, I'm huge and fat too. & loving food the way I do, I have no option but to militantly work out so I can 'maintain' that ideal body image ingrained in my mind. I've been like this for so lon...g I don't know how to be any other way. I don't think of food in terms of calories but in terms of how many hours of running I'll have to do to burn it off. I love the body I have, because I work so hard to have it. I'm not even sure if I can unlearn this obsession but this piece is food for thought indeed as are the experiences shared by other women here. Thank you:)
Awesome piece Pramada. I am sharing this too
thank you all and please feel free to post..
Thanks Pramada for this lovely piece!
may I share?
Exactly how I felt: "So when I did get out of the house and then had smart alecks on the street comment about my body or my weight, I was gob smacked! For heaven’s sake could they not see that lissome body trapped inside that outer shell and could they not see the intelligence flow out of me. How crass to expect more beauty?"
Prams, always thought you fabulously charismatic - your personality and warmth knocks one out at 60 paces! As for me, must confess that as the awkward, ugly duckling daughter of 2 great looking parents, I yearned to be beautiful. One of the... plusses of being 64 - (and there are many, coupled with an equal number of negatives) is now being told how "great" I look; just by virtue of not being totally wrinkled and toothless!
very nice....rhea also read..
Very good piece Pramada. I especially like the way it ends :D
Awesome read Parmada!
This is beautiful, am sharing this! You say what so many of us feel/think/experience everyday. The prejudice against fat people is so ubiquitous and the the worst part is that everybody thinks they have the right to tell you how you should ...look and thereby how you should feel about yourself. Your body becomes a measure of your self-worth. And if you laugh at yourself (with others) it's alright but if you take a stand and retort, you become the spoil sport who is told "don't be so serious yaar!" Well, it is serious, when just about anybody can make your body an object of ridicule.
Awsome sharing Pramada!! Inspires self reflection!!
Fabulous piece!!!
sharing this...
sharing this...
Thank you for writing this
Excellent Pramada!!! and yes would like to share it too..hugs
"No one ever seems to say that they are uncomfortable because peer pressure renders them unhappy, romance accords them the invisibility cloak and families strive to remind them everyday of their self indulgent self which has allowed them t...o become fat."
I don't understand what my lovers mean when they tell me I am hot & at the same time complaint about how they have a paunch and how they should lose weight especially when they come no where in the definition of fat.
I don't understand when my parents who are already troubled about a fat, unmarried, lesbian daughter with a job that pays pittance gets over worked when relatives come to them sympathising because they have a daughter who is unmarried BECAUSE she is fat.
I don't understand the piles of clothes in my wardrobe I have bought that just looked gorgeous but I never have the guts to wear them, I don't also understand the clothes in my wardrobe I intend to wear 'when' I lose weight, or the way brands like AND have lovely clothes but I have to pay through my teeth & where I rejoice coz i'm a size 3 & not the big 5!
I don't understand the days I feel so sexy I love myself to bits and days I'd like to fish out a meet cleaver and chop my sagging fat body into pieces.
Pramz ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ... time for another FAT.SO! and I think time for her to come out of the closet!
And i have worked with feminist organizations where days after days i have sadly witnessed these feminists obsess about diet weight loss hair fall and whatever have u. i was ashamed.
reading this reminded me of our session on disability n sexuality at SRI. I and meena seshu had shared our tryst wid our fat bodies and how all my childhood i was made to feel being fat was a disability
"Ekta, you were so HOT! What happened to you?" This is what a girl who went to school with me said to me at a party last year. I hadn't seen her in 15 years and this is what she said to me. I am struggling with my weight again. It sucks. I was up all night yesterday. I love my body. It's the only one I've got!
I can imagine. Being a darkish girl in a family of pretty fair person I can easily understand... But what is interesting is that such prejudices do not go away with increased education (or literacy) as I still remember a friend of my daught...er tell me (she was about 7 years old) that her mother told her not to eat or drink (especially coffee) as you will become dark like your friend's mother and her. So the girl just refused to eat even a piece of cake.... This might be an extreme case but what is important is that the girl's mother was my colleague in college.
I can imagine. Being a darkish girl in a family of pretty fair person I can easily understand... But what is interesting is that such prejudices do not go away with increased education (or literacy) as I still remember a friend of my daught...er tell me (she was about 7 years old) that her mother told her not to eat or drink (especially coffee) as you will become dark like your friend's mother and her. So the girl just refused to eat even a piece of cake.... This might be an extreme case but what is important is that the girl's mother was my colleague in college.
ya its absolutely true. my family is damn obsessed with color of one's skin. i have many friends who have dark skin n once i made one of them meet my mother.u 9 wat my mother said??she said what kinda friends u make shruti as in they have c...ome from sum other planet.i was really hurt that day n i had a big fight wid my mother.i made her realize that it was wrong on her part to disrespect my friend bcoz of color of his skin.
Obsession of this sort remains only till you know the personality. One's self confidence supercedes..
thanks everybody and uttara go ahead and share
Rituparna Borah Pramada Menon Thanks for sharing this! I had to deal with so many issues regarding the body- my stammering, my dark complexion, my height, my body weight now.. i was fed up of the comments from frens and family... so many! really l thank you again for writing this..
awesome...
This is so true, Pramada. I remember when I was little I was so much obsessed with applying “fair and lovely” cream on my face. I was the only child in the family who has dark skin. I come from a joint family and everyone in my family is to...o fair. My dad was fair; my mom is extra fair and beautiful. Everyone in my family is fair. That made me alienated and during some family functions, I was teased by my cousins to be the misfit. That was not just because I differ in the way I expressed my sexuality but the color of my skin. I still remember I used to be teased by name calling and they named me "KAALU"(The black one). It was too embarrassing for me and I lived with it for so many years!
may i share this pramada ? its beautiful ..
Thanks for writing this Pramada. Its encouraging me to write my own confessions around my relationship with my body
Really thought provoking .... forced me to introspect my ways .. :) thanx ..
real great read...just a suggestion...me being a relle lean person also get to hear various things.... even that is a side that can be looked upon.....
gr8 read! the writer has brought me to think about myself in a new way....a beautiful feeling```
Bravo! Seriously this was like the best think i read in last few weeks.. Can relate to it through and through.. I am fat and much comfortable with it.. But NOBODY els around me sees it that way..
Kudos to Pramada for writing something that stomps in the facade of bodyweight that comes in the way of being a person-good, bad and whatever is in between.
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